I'm feeling so reckless.

Getting into trouble and doing things that go against the grain have become so attractive to me in the last few weeks.

Trying to explain it is nearly impossible.

Sabotage about sums it up.

There's a fire burning inside of me,

just waiting to explode.

There's no outlet for my emotions.

I'm confused and frustrated,

and really have no idea why.

On top of it all,

someone who I thought couldn't disappoint me anymore than he already had,

proved me wrong once again.

Not only is he the jerk I thought he was,

but he's also immature, shallow, and ignorant.

I finally got the balls to tell him "no",

and he didn't like that at all.

I'll no longer ask "how high?" when he tells me to "jump".

The sad thing is, I actually cared.

I'm glad I never put myself out there.

It's taught me a lesson - keeping my feelings to myself works out better in the end.

Never ever again will I let a guy have the upper hand.

Speaking of guys,

I really want to start dating and meeting new people.

Relationships have no appeal to me,

but I need something new, shake things up.

Unfortunately, I'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to being social,

and I'm more than a little awkward.

I need to work on all the places I'm lacking.

Hopefully when I move back to Sacramento in March,

things will change for the better for me.

I need them to,

before I pull my hair out of my head.