I feel so anxious for no reason.

That flutter in my stomach that tells me something is coming.

Anticipating absolutely nothing.

I want to cry, I need to cry.

My emotions have come down to watching dramas on TV so I can actually feel something.

Sad, no?

This numbness has become the norm.

Bad moods rule my life.

I feel so completely, utterly alone.

I have no shoulder to cry on anymore.

The one I do have, I can't tell the truth to.

I have to pretend nothing is wrong when I'm around him.

Which may be the hardest part,

and is probably contributing to why I feel this way.

Because here is this person who cares about me, who wants me to be honest,

and I have to suppress everything I'm feeling,

I have to put on this facade.

Therefore causing more pain and anguish for myself.

Such a conundrum.

My resolution is this;

I need to get away, alone. As ironic as that seems.

My time spent alone here has me suffocating.

Somewhere else, it might be a relief.

A nice day trip somewhere sounds fantastic.

Just an escape.

Something to help me clear my head,

I'm craving it.