Is there a reason I keep doing this to myself?

He messed up, we're done. We've been done.

So why do I stick around?

It feels almost like when we first got together,

I feel happy.

Maybe the reality of me leaving is setting in.

Or it might be that I don't trust him enough to leave him alone.

Either way, I need to let go.

It's so weird to me that every time someone messes up in a relationship,

the one who's hurt is the one that tries to fix things.

In my case, anyway.

Anytime I'm screwed over, I'm more drawn to them

and want to make things better.

I just don't get it.

So I start work at my new store next week.

I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm nervous.

I really hate meeting new people, strangers.

But I guess it makes me a stronger person.

This move is a big one.

It's the first time I've been completely away from my family,

that they're more than a 10 minute drive away.

It's going to be forced to do a lot of growing up.

I'm also looking forward to it.

Reconnecting with old friends, having a social life,

and a real group of friends.

Stockton has never been home to me, ever.

Never have I really had close friends here,

not lately anyway.

I know that I need this.

I just hope it all works out.