so it's finally over.
he told me we need to get to know ourselves as individuals,
and to figure out what we want on our own.
crappy thing is, i know what i wanted. i wanted him.
i guess it was too little too late.
i felt like he'd stopped trying once i moved away.
like he was just going through the motions.
he said i degrade him when i'm around my friends,
that it seems like i think i'm better than him.
and he can't be himself around me.
sure, sometimes he gets on my nerves,
sometimes he's a bit much,
but i've never asked him to change. not once.
he said we've run our course.
i haven't felt like this in a long time.
i've only had 3 serious relationships,
and now i'm remembering why i hate them.
because the last 3 years are just...gone.
my best friend is gone, my rock is gone.
i can't be friends with him,
i can't talk to him.
not right now.
he didn't talk to me, he let feelings build up,
making his ill feelings toward me worse.
which isn't fair.
& then there's our trust issues.
he did things i never though he'd do,
and he doesn't understand why it's still hard for me.
so i spent an hour explaining that to him.
i also spent an hour sobbing.
he knew what my intentions were,
he knew where i wanted things to go.
i just wish he'd done this 3 months ago,
when i moved up here, and he stopped trying.
because i could've been 3 months past this,
3 months closer to being over it.
instead i'm at step one,
and i don't know what to do.
i just feel sick to my stomach,
and completely heartbroken.
ugh.
this is such a crappy feeling,
i hate feeling so damn lost.

well, hey, maybe i'll get some inspiration

for my creative writing out of this.