i didn't realize that back in july,

when i decided i wanted my "independence",

that it would mess things up between us now.

mainly because he's stayed around this whole time.

we've never really stopped acting like a couple.

so, today, when i asked him what was going on with "us",

i got an "i don't know", which is understandable.

but when i told him i'd be ok with a relationship,

his response was basically a "no".

i understand that it sucks that it took me this long to 

come to this realization, but still...if you really care

about me, why wouldn't you want this to happen?

what was the point of staying around all this time?

why act like a couple with me, tell me you still care,

but when faced with the actual idea of making things work,

pass on it?

so that's it, i told him i'm done. there's nothing more.

he told me in text later that i hurt him a lot when

i decided i wanted to go out partying and being my own person.

which i get. but why, 8 months later, let it determine the

outcome of us? why can't it be put behind us?

especially when it hasn't seemed to be a big deal recently.

we've talked about it before, i thought he was past it.

guess i was wrong.

well, now that i know that there's no more potential,

i can actually allow myself to move on.

because i think that's been partially holding me back.

the fact that i didn't know what was going on with him & me.

not gonna lie, it still hurts. but whatever. i'll live.

that's exactly what i need to do - live.