i'm so torn.

actually, i'm not really torn.

i just don't know how to explain to my brain

that my heart isn't exactly on the same page anymore.

for as long as i can remember,

i've never wanted kids, never wanted to be married.

i've had friends, family, teachers, tell me that i'd

change my mind. i'd meet someone worthy,

and all those ways of thinking would be lost.

damn them for being right.

damn fate for putting him in my path.

damn my heart for not going with the plan.

i hate that it took me all of this to realize, well...

all of this.

who says i can't have my dreams and aspirations of before,

and all of these new things, too?

besides, what fun would it be if i had no one to share it with?

he's my best friend and he makes me want to be a better person.

he's one of the best people i've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

he's been by my side, through hell and high water.

i couldn't ask for anyone better.

i just wish i hadn't been so dumb.

now i'm here, wondering where i am, what i'm doing.

with my heart in my hands, ready to give it completely.

and he doesn't want it.

go. f-ing. figure.