i found this old blog entry,

and realized i miss writing.

i'm going to start doing it much more often now.

i need my outlet.

"I was born with cynicism running through my veins.

Every fiber of my being is made up of negativity and pessimism.

Everyone in my family views the glass as half empty,

it's time to break tradition.

It's a worthy battle to fight,

albeit, an extremely hard one.

It's hard to see a positive reality,

when all you've known is a harsh one.

Seeing the world through rose colored glasses has never been an option.

No matter what I've had, it's never been good enough.

It didn't matter that it was newer, cooler, or just plain better than yours.

I've always been spoiled,

and though I've appreciated everything given to me,

I know I'm still a brat at heart.

It's followed me into adulthood,

and it's time for a serious change.

I can't deal with being told "no". Ever.

I can't handle not being the center of attention,

particularly involving the person I'm in a relationship with.

I guess I had never really realized that until last night.

We were getting ready to go to a wedding,

I couldn't do my hair right, so I said I wasn't going.

I threw a fit and he told me,

"Don't do this to me now. This is so much bigger than you."

And he was so incredibly right.

Even though I wouldn't admit that until much later last night.

I'm stubborn, I'm hard-headed,

and even though I know at the time I'm doing something wrong,

I won't change my way.

My actions are so ridiculous and selfish,

and it's almost as if I'm viewing the situation from the outside in,

seeing how childish I'm being.

While it's happening, I just don't care.

So this is me, taking a pledge to become a better person.

A more compassionate person,

a more altruistic person.

Someone who regards the feelings of others when it matters most.

A person who is more likable.

I complain about how much I hate this town, this world,

but I'm only adding to that unpleasantness.

I'd rather be a congenial attribute to society,

instead of a hateful one.

No more complaing, no more negativity.

All I really want is to be happy,

I guess I just never realized it until now...."